Fursuits are fucking ridiculous.

Fursuits are fucking ridiculous.

This is an area I was hoping I could avoid, because, like tennis, it does a pretty good job of making fun of itself allready. They're are plenty of kids out there allready that think furs and everything related to them are plaguing the planet (as the good folks at SomethingAwful.com are good reference to. But, recently these things have been shoving themselves into my face more than I would usually tolerate. I can't do a single image search on google without having some picture of some loser in some monsterous animal getup stare back at me.

Now, for the 2 of you on the internet that don't know allready.

Furs are individuals that practice appreciation of Anthropomorphic (half human/half animal) characters... and that's as far as the definition goes. To school yourself a bit, try dropping by Mongoose.net or, better yet, check out the web page of the infamous

NothingKat. Lemme tell ya, there are few things in this world better than a cynical meerkat. (meerkat, mongoose... anyone picking up a theme here?)

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. (or the matter at paw, if you don't have a life.)

First, before anyone tries to call me a hypocrite, I will go outright and say it. I am a fur. ... *cringe* ugh. I like playing Sonic the Hedgehog, I like watching The Lion King and I like drawing anthropomorphic characters, so that makes me a fur by default (even tho I did all those things before this stupid subculture exhisted.) and if you do any of these things, that makes you a fur, too. Now, I don't have any type of forum for any of you to protest me through, so let's move on.

I am what is known as a casual fur ( and I have a feeling that many reading this are casual furs as well.) I recognize this interest as merely that; an interest. To me, it's merely a hobby, as is music, making comics and ranting on a website.
But, I'm not the only member of this twisted group.
As with all other casual interests, this internet culture is quickly ruined by that killer of killers. EXTREMISM.
Otherwise known in this world as "Furry Lifestylers." You might know one. Hell, you might be one. They're the kids that actually wish and/or think that they ARE animals. To them, being a fur isn't something to pass the time with. It's somtehing that consumes their lives. Obsessions are never healthy. I can't say that enough. Altho, this one isn't as dangerous as it is just plain stupid.

"luuvv meee!"

There are actually kids out there that have sucked themselves so deep into the world of their fursona (online animal alter ego.) that they will go to lengths of trying to dress as said characters. Now, just the fact that someone even has an online alter ego is a little ridiculous, but spending months to form a costume around that alter ego... WHAT?! I won't deny that I've roleplayed before, but like I said, IT's A FUCKING HOBBY! And I did it when I was 13 and stupid. These are kids, somteimes 25 (or even 30) years old spending time and money to create some lame outfit. And what's more, as the MTV has made sure to bring our attention to, some of them actually get into big steamy piles of felt and hump each other while STILL WEARING THE SUITS! GOD NOOOO!!WVKYFWDJTFWDTH.
Personally, I'm not against the idea of a person doing cosplay. Hardly from it. I like wearing costumes as much as the next guy (cuz we all know how much the next guy is into that shit.) and I wouldn't be nearly as against fursuits if it weren't for the fact that they were so time consuming, costly and dumb looking. For those that aren't aware of the process of constructing one, let me enlighten you.

1 111 1 1 111 1

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This is a front and side veiw of a horse (i guess) in the making. By this time, the person constructing it has allready put many days into getting the basic structure of the head.

He we see two backshots and notice that the person has actually taken the time to construct a fan system to prevent dehydration from wearing the suit too long... That's 150$ down the drain in itself for that mini fan. Maybe more. All because of the fact the this kid will have their head wrapped in about five inches of fiberglass. Of course, he could just NOT WEAR A FUCKING SUIT, but, who needs that? He's never gonna get any tail from other weirdos if he looks mildly normal, right?

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And one more shot of the head before the actual "fur" is added, followed by...

THE END RESULT!!!

I know I just can't wait to fuck that shit.

This is where the process falls apart. Suits are always either too goony, too shoddily made, too cartoony or too hard to breathe in. Not to mention that kids fucking HUMP EACH OTHER WHILE WEARING THEM! I've never seen a picture of a fursuit that didn't either make me laugh my ass off or just plain gross me out. Sometimes, people will go so far as to simply edit corporately made costumes of anthropomorphic characters. Isn't that gross to imagine? Bugs bunny grinding against minnie mouse? Or maybe Heathcliff giving a hummer to garfield... o yeah, super sexy... I think I'm gonna go stab my eyes out.

I have thought about it before, and I can't really see any reason why anyone would be into this stuff. People having sex in fursuits is basically an advanced form of plushophilia (the act of having sex with stuffed animals, which is actually a subculture within the fur world. you thank your lucky asses that I don't have any pics of this to rape your eyes with.) Even thinking about the opposite end, I've tried to imagine what a fursuit would look like if it were realistic rather than cartoony, and everything I ever imagine ends up being rather frightening;

I'm guessing lockjaw has become a sexually transmitted disease?

Any way you try and look at it, this practice is stupid. Kids that do it need to get jobs or get help. And stop with the "This is my lifestyle" bullshit. Fur isn't a goddamn lifestyle! It shouldn't have even been given a label! If someone is able to send me a legitimate picture of someone dressed up in a fursuit they made of a Codfish or a dung beetle or some crappy animal like that, then I will delete this page and never again say anything about fursuits... Until then, I shall ridicule to my hearts content.

If there are any furs out there that think it's okay to dress up as the easter bunny and rub your privates on someone else dressed up as Smoky the Bear then I am quite happy to inform you that

And much more importantly, that

Fursuits are absolutely fucking ridiculous. If you disagree, then shutup.

now...